I went for a jog this morning. And, while I am super proud of myself for going (even though it was two hours later than I was going to), I was struck by a saddening thought.
I’ve wasted so much of my life being insecure about my body. For years, I’ve tried to lose that last 20 pounds, let the way my jeans or my shirts fit define my mood for the day, wanting to look like that skinny girl who does the same as I do.
So, I thought, what do I want exactly?
Do I want to be skinny? No, I already did that and starving myself was not fun.
Do I want to look like “that girl”? No, I don’t want that kind of attention.
What exactly do I want?
Then, walking back (because I lack the endurance to jog a whole mile), I met another girl who was jogging, too. She smiled at me and waved. I waved back (super-tiredly, by the way).
That’s what I want to be.
I want to be strong.
I want my body to be healthy.
I want to be able to jog a whole mile without having to walk.
Do I want to be thin? No.
I want to be fit.