karma · life · purpose · self

Finding a Voice

The issue of “finding a voice” has been heavy in my heart and has been a weight on my mind and shoulders since I started college.  I really feel that through the bullying I went through, the horrible friends and roommates, I lost myself.  No longer am I the student who worked so hard that not even a learning disability or poor eyesight could stop me.  Now, the tiniest thing distracts me, I have no will to get a good grade in a class that I even like.  I’ve lost my signal.

These facts have awakened me to several questions: What is my voice?  Do I even have a voice?  What is my signal?

Better yet, what exactly is “voice?”  What is “signal?”

Voice, I believe, is what some people would call the aura or way of living a person has.  This way of living brings about karma or fate or coincidence.  But, is that not a poor way to state a person’s walk through life?

Signal, as defined by author James A. Owen (who, I am 1000% sure thinks I am a facebook stalker because of how quickly I ‘like’ posts), is our purpose in life.  We decide what direction we go, how we go in that direction, if we let other’s opinions of us slow us or stem us.

“Our weaknesses are always evident, both to ourselves and others. But our strengths are hidden until we choose to reveal them–and that is when we are truly tested. When all that we have within is exposed, and we may no longer blame our inadequacies for our failure, but must instead depend upon our strengths to succeed … that is when the measure of a man is taken, my boy.”

When was the last time you did something just for the sake of creating something, inspiring someone?  How did it make you feel?  Why haven’t you don it again?

A fellow user of the site Pinterest said,

“You know that time, when you’re in the shower and your mind wanders to random thoughts… well, mine did last night. I was thinking about a favorite author of mine, and how she had written a best seller at the age of 21 and has had many successful books follow, and I thought, maybe when I’m 30 I’ll get the time to start something, finally put pen to paper. Well, t0hen it dawned on me – I already AM 30! And I could literally feel the bricks from the wall of realisation crashing in!!! Each one giving me a good thwack on the head! Oh crap!! I know it took a while, but better late than never, right??? “

I believe she has an excellent point: why wait on tomorrow or next year or summer or winter or Sally’s birthday to do something that is important to you?  Who cares if there’s a lot of work involved with very little material gain?  Do you enjoy doing it?

“If you really want to do something, no one can stop you. But if you really don’t want to do something, no one can help you”
James A. Owen, Drawing Out The Dragons: A Meditation on Art, Destiny, and the Power of Choice

I quote this man far too much.

But, he does have a good point, does he not?  If you do not want to do something, are you going to find the inspiration or motivation to do it within anything else but yourself?

“Always, always ask for what you want. Because the Universe might surprise you — and give it to you.”
James A. Owen

In college, it is terribly easy to lose yourself – to lose sight of your dreams and passions.  I’m always wondering: “If I wear this, someone is going to comment and not think it looks like me.”  “If I ask for help on this assignment, someone is going to think I’m stupid.”  “If…if…if…if…”

When I was a kid, it didn’t matter what other people said about me, I was so unashamedly myself that nothing else mattered.  She was a kid that believed in magic and miracles, that believed in Santa Claus because she didn’t want her little brother to lose sight of the magic of childhood.  I want to know where that kid went and bring her back.

2 thoughts on “Finding a Voice

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